- Baked a strawberry rhubarb crumb pie (the most summery pie I could think of)
- Celebrated my friend Taryn’s birthday.
- Drank on my friend Kameron’s East Village roof.
- Went to a couple gay bars.
- Agreed to go to Fire Island (aka Gay Disneyland) at 3 in the morning.
- Packed for Fire Island at 3:30 am, while very drunk.
- Left myself a very drunk packing list.
- Left my house at 9 am for Fire Island (this is a minor miracle).
- Arrived at Fire Island at noon (almost puked in Penn Station, on the LIRR, on the bus to the ferry, and finally on the Ferry to Fire Island—but only burped up alcohol flavored bile).
- Sat on the beach.
- Almost drowned in a big wave, but then didn’t!
- Forgot to reapply sunscreen (this is always where I go wrong).
- Burned body.
- Went to super gay super party.
- Got lost in the Meat Rack. Saw no sex.
- Saw a couple boobies (on ladies) on the beach.
- Decided to buy a house and a sail boat on Fire Island (one day? probably not.)
- Sat and watched the boys mingle at a party, let strangers bring me drinks.
- Ate pizza.
- Took the 9 pm ferry back to the train.
- Home and asleep by midnight.
- Awake by noon.
- Ate a sandwich.
- Ate a popsicle.
1/2 a pound of cheese later, and I really miss the cheeses.
- Me: He was hitting on me in front of my kids [that I babysit]. I didn't really know how to handle it, so I just giggled and nodded and kept looking to make sure the kids didn't know what was going on.
- Mom: That's funny, they stemmed your flow... or... wait, what is it when someone blocks your sexual advances or interferes with your flirtation?
- Me: I think you're thinking 'cock block.' My kids cock-blocked me.
- Mom: Yeah. No. I know that one. That's not what I'm thinking.
Why does Diddy even need an alter ego? Isn’t Diddy already the alter ego of Sean Combs? His alter ego has an alter ego now? Did Diddy just Inception his alter egos??
I would’ve gotten the FUCK out of there had he killed these babies. If he killed an actual baby, I might’ve been like, “He had his reasons.” But NOT LITTLE FUR BABIES. EEEEEEE.
I was ready to jump ship when Ned Stark almost killed the direwolf cubs, but then he didn’t and I was like “Phew [dramatically wipes sweat off brow]!!!”
Ironically, it was when he had to kill Lady, his oldest daughter Sansa’s direwolf, that I was like “Aw, fuck, gotta stick this one out.” Because now I hate the bitch queen, and I love how Ned was all sad about his daughters being sad.
Also, when he was pushing through the crowd to get to Arya, I was like “Go daddy go!” I never had a dad, so sometimes I become strongly emotionally attached to father figures in fiction. Read whatever you want in to that crazy nonsense, but what I’m trying to say is that I’m always on board for a show or movie with a good, strong papa bear. Don’t worry about me though, I have therapy on Tuesdays.
And could repeat them to me slowly, ending with a question mark and a dirty look.