Yes, some lives were made to be wasted.
February 2011
91 posts
January 2011
48 posts
If this week was downhill, Friday was rock bottom.
As far as sanity goes, we weren’t working with a whole lot of it when I began this whole unemployment experiment. My life, on a good week, only superficially resembles that of a fully functioning adult. If you pierce too far beneath the surface, you’ll learn that I often eat candy for dinner (tonight’s feast will consist of peanut M&Ms and tap water, holla holla holla) and at least 80% of my brain space is used to come up with fart jokes for Twitter (sadly, not kidding).
At any rate, you don’t even have to lift the tarp on my life to realize that it’s just a complete mess. I showered Wednesday night and put on fresh pajamas, then didn’t shower again until Friday when I was getting ready to go out. Friday, Tuesday, Sunday, whatever, I have ZERO concept of time. I keep checking to make sure it’s not February. It’s not February, by the way. Almost, but not quite.
Things are looking up though. I interviewed for a nanny job today, and accepted a temporary audition to be a nanny for next week. That’s about 4 hours a day that I have to leave the house and rear some children. Eventually, more and more of my life will take place out of the approximately 32 square feet that my bed occupies. At that point, I will begin to polish my adult facade to such a sheen that no one will notice that I have an unfilled cavity and a very real television addiction.
—Unemployment: Day 10 (a little late…)
“…and it occurred to her that she was a person who dwelt in fantasies with essentially no relation to reality.”
—Johnathan Franzen, Freedom
“Yes, I castrate men.”
—Random doctor (allergist) on SVU
I cannot resist telling this to the world.
I will be babysitting for two children named Boots (female) and Mingo (male).
Boots and Mingo.
Boots and Mingo.
Boots.
Mingo.
I haven’t met them yet, but I am pretty sure that I will be babysitting for cartoon characters.
Boots and MINGO.
I actually kind of hope that the mother is insane and that Boots and Mingo are dogs and I have to go and pretend they’re children for 5 hours a day.
BOOTS AND MINGO.
Well then.
I’ve been sort of bumbling around all day today, accomplishing a few important tasks. Then suddenly, it hit me, I THINK I UPDATED MY TUMBLR LAST NIGHT.
Just sitting here, reading through my post last night, laughing at/to myself.
If you ever hear me say “I’m going to pop a few Ambien to sleep early tonight” unplug my internet, hide my phone and wrap me in blankets until I can’t move my limbs. Weird shit will go down otherwise.
As long as we don't over do it
I think it would be a good use of your and my time if I discussed my feelings about Law and Order while I’m druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuged out of my mind (using some Ambien to even out my sleep cycle so I can avoid becomng entirely nocturnal.
I just want to say this about the internet when you’re tripping on sleeping pills, it becomes so much more tactile. I feel like I have to reach up and turn the page. My chats are hung off to the side from a big palm tree. We just nail our chats up and come back to them from time to time to say hey or osmething.
I just became totally and completely engrossed in this episode. Like I sort of lost the fourth wall and melded my thoughts in to the show for a second. I wasn’t contributing to anything, but I was there and it was more real. My thoughts were making it happen. It’s like I have a set of tinyd etectives solving tiny special sex crimes. They’re little crocheted stuffed people and they move in stop motion.
Alright, page is getting smudgey. Time to stop.
THis page is reminding me so much of this old timey boardwalk i saw in Florida once. And All the little letters are tiny sculptures. Fascinating. I better not touch them, they might all collapse.
Good night moon
realityiswhatyoumakeit asked:
Still sane I hope? Oh, and for the record, I’d think you’d make a great teacher and/or babysitter.
Nope.
If you ever hear me say some variant of "I'm going to make my own paper"...
Then it’s time to SHUT IT DOWN and make me leave the house. ASAP.
“Go to a dinner party where you only vaguely know someone. When people there ask how your job is going, say “It is the best!” with an exclamation mark at the end and with big eyebrow movements. Drink too many glasses of white wine from a bottle you brought and uncorked yourself. Decide you’re going to write a novel. No, a children’s book. No, you’re going to teach children. No, you’re going to go back to school and become a teen counselor. You’re going to move to New Zealand and get pregnant and raise a Kiwi.”
—Way to be Successfully Unemployed (via warmgun)
