This will be my view spring semester 2011. Sigh. I can’t wait until my life is measured in semesters again and I can pretend like I know everything there is to know because I’m a college student and my life comes in MWF and TTH blocks and not just in endless blocks of endlessness.
I know none of us have it figured out and that we aren’t supposed to have it figured out yet, but, Jesus, I was getting really tired of making plans, then back-up plans, then back-up back-up plans. Not to mention that it will be nice to settle on to a path that doesn’t branch off to ritual suicide anytime in the foreseeable future.
But now that I’m headed somewhere slightly more appealing than falling on my own sword, I really am beginning to wonder what it is I want and if it’s this at all?
As scary and lonely as it can sometimes be, standing at the crossroads of so many different potential lives is really very exhilarating. There’s so much freedom here. I may not have much money, but I have enough. I may not have the dream job, but at least I have one. I definitely don’t know what I’m doing, but at least I’m willing to try. I have no roots or responsibilities and absolutely nothing to lose. It’s very tempting to try to hold on to this thrilling moment in life in lieu of something more settled and concrete and boring.
But… that’s not really who I am. I like knowing the endings of movies before I see them. I always read the last chapter before I move on to the second. I don’t like to swim in murky waters (literally). I like to look at the map first. All of my things have a place (I’ve stopped just short of labels). And I tend to favor choices with clear-cut outcomes. I like to know exactly what will happen when I do things. I don’t like to do things when I don’t know exactly what will happen.
That being said, this is my life—my whole life—we’re talking about. I like plans and flow charts and spreadsheets, but my favorite moments and experiences have come when I threw the blueprints and all the ideas of what I’m “supposed to do” out.
It’s really very hard to “follow your heart” and “pursue your dreams” when you’re 24 and you have no idea what your heart is saying or what your dreams are or what you want your life to look like in one year let alone 10.
This is a lesson in chilling the fuck out and letting go.
- Anne: I wish they'd kept him on the show.
- Katie: That's what I JUST SAID, ANNE.
- Anne: Uhh... no you didn't.
- Katie: I just said that out loud.
- Anne: Katie, you didn't say anything.
- Katie: Oh, I thought it. Did I not just say that?
- Anne: No, I'm pretty sure you didn't.
But I can’t help but follow his Tumblr. It just seems so necessary.
Some hot chick with heart issues told me that coming to one of my shows was on her Buket List……I should have told her that having sex with a hot chick with heart issues was on mine.
But before you ask me to change, you should know that some people call this passion. And without it, I’d be just like everyone else.
And so begins the annual “recapture my youth” panic. I am going to be 24 (on the 24th! BAM!). It’s getting to the point where birthdays and age feel insignificant, but even so, being old is still really scary to me. Thus my birthday ritual…
These are the components:
- Figure out what music is popular and learn it.
- Dress up and drink hard alcohol in public while listening to popular music that you’ve already learned.
My guess is that 3 is NOT bake muffins and watch a documentary about babies. Unless it is, then mission already accomplished because that is what I did this weekend.
IT’S GOOD TO BE YOUNG.*
- Chelsey: Will anyone out there hire me and pay me the big bucks, please?
- Me: I'll pay you the big bucks to be my best friend.
- Chelsey: Perfect. Thanks. I require $2,500 weekly with a shopping expense account.
- Me: I will give you two potatoes a week and a warm blanket near the radiator.
- Chelsey: That works.
- Me: That negotiation went great.
- Chelsey: You hardballed, and I respect you for it.
…is when people find out that despite being a reasonably attractive female, I eat exactly like a muppet.
Ryan Reynolds on shooting Buried.
Now what I need to know is what it is Ryan Reynolds is doing at home…
Apple-caramel upside-down muffins!!
Oktoberfest beers (for a group of three)!!
I love the symmetry of shape but asymmetry of content.